Day 15 - I made it!

When Monday morning peeked into my brain fear and anxiety came with it. I've been sick for a week, now it's time to get back to working out. All morning long thoughts drained my resolve. By the time 2:30pm arrived I was ready to hide under the covers and forget the day. Then that little voice in the back of my head whispered, "Do you really want to give up now? You have already gone through the worst part, this will be easy."

That moment I grabbed my phone, called Dad and asked if he was planning on working out today. He resounded to the positive. "I'll be out in a few minutes," I grumbled. I packed up my roll away bag, walked into the living room and got a first look outside. Wind, rain, mud puddles, goey, sticky, rotten day. I thought "I have got to be insane to go outside today." Then I started to chuckle, as I thought about the people that run for their health. They will be faced with a horrid choice, getting wet or giving up. I will get wet, and love every moment of it. My step quickened and my mood lifted.




Arriving at Island Athletic my mood shifted. I started to get nervous. The lot was jammed. In fact I do not recall ever seeing so many cars. Visions of people staring and laughing at me flooded over me. My fear grew and my legs refused to take the first step. Then my weight started to shift forward and I was forced to walk or fall flat on my face. The process continued until I reached the entrance. I guess being fat has it's benefits after all.





When I opened the front door all I saw were smiling faces. 2 or 3 people said, "Hello Miles." "good to see you," "I heard you were sick - feeling better?" What a wonderful change of perception for me. Instead of frowns and stares I received smiles and kind words. Thanks!

I was surprised at my workout. I expected to be in trouble because of the week of inactivity. I did not have any unusual challenges at all. I went through the routine like a clock ticking to oblivion. To my surprise the hour ended really fast. Getting dressed was strange. For some reason I could not get my clothes on like I expected. My arms were much weaker than normal and my hands had a hard time grasping. When I got home I started to feel the effects of the work out. I was sore and tired. Not as simple as I had thought. I did it though! I am relieved & excited. Now all I have to do is get to the facility on Tuesday. I'll worry about that later.

Day 14.6 - I hope I can return Monday

I'm still sick, I guess it's one of those 7 day or one week virus's I don't know which of the two I have. I'll settle for it being 1/4th of the month. I want to go jump in and start working out right now. Logic tells me that it's best to let my body use it's strength to heal. I dunno. One thing is for sure, if Superman likes the water it's gotta have some good in it.

Day 14.5 - Still Sick

I'm still sick. Nope, I am not getting cold feet, just a cold in me nose. After consulting with the powers that be, (Mom & Dad) I realize that it is a good idea to give my body time to regain it's strength. I have actually been missing the water, the soreness, and the tiredness. I am looking forward to getting back on track as soon as I can. In the mean time I'll keep smiling, or at least thinking one step at a time.

Today, my Father went to the pool to do his work out. He put on his suit, showered, and walked to the pool, then he realized that the facility was reserved for the swim team. He had to get dressed and go home disappointed. I give him 5 stars for going! What was even more exciting, Ginny, Dad's beautiful spouse, spent some time on the work out machines. I am excited. I feel like I have companions with me in my quest. It almost feels like a group effort.

As each person sets a personal commitment for personal improvement it becomes real, one step at a time. And the strength of the Couch Potato Brigade weakens.

I was just looking at the comments and there is a new one. "Eagle Maiden" just wrote that she is on day three at her gym. That is exciting. I am looking forward to hearing back from her and cheering her on as she reaches, 10 days, 15, and more. Keep it up Deb, I love you.



I wonder who will be next to start doing 1 hour a day 5 - 6 times a week? What does not matter. It could be splashing in the pool, riding on a stationary bike, using a treadmill, walking around the block, running the track, rowing a boat, jumping rope, hopping a pogo stick, or flipping on a trampoline. What does not matter, just doing anything is the key to health, happiness, and the golden ring.

Day 14.333333 - Almost Made It

I did it! I packed up my roll away bag, grabbed the keys, and walked out the door. Sick or not, I have to do my work out. When I got in the man-made puddle, the cool waters seemed to speak to me. "What are you doing here, it's cold, wet, and noisy. " I got into one of my favorite lanes and started my routine. After 10 minutes my tummy started groaning. By the time 20 minutes has elapsed I felt like I was headed to the hospital. I had to stop my intentions and renegotiate the terms of my plan.

I languished in the water for quite a while thinking about my options. I could keep puyshing my body and end up passing out or tossing up that pizza that I ate 30 years ago (see my blog earlier today). Or I could even end up needing help and I could suffer the ultimate humiliation as a dozen people try to lift 350 pounds of slippery, squishy, dripping, embarrassment. I felt like I was watching a horror movie.

Finally I calmed down and decided that I would get dressed and head home. As I left the water I kept my mind focused on the next step in front of me. Each step led to another. I showered, walked to the dressing room, and sat on the bench. After a few minutes rest I got my clothes and towels out of the locker. Another few minutes rest. Then I did my best to dry myself off. Due to habit, I shuffled to the mirrored counter and used the hair dryer, that lasted about 15 seconds. Still wet, I sat back down and dressed anyway. I grabbed my stuff and headed for the car.

Somehow I made it home. It';s been a few hours and I feel a little better now. It sure was a challenging day. We all have them. Instead of worrying about what was I will think about what will, meaning I look forward to tomorrow - it will be my 15th workout. I figure today counts even though it only lasted 20 minutes. I did what my body allowed. That should be enough - I'm satisfied.

Day 14 - I'm going to try

It's 2:10pm, I usually head to the pool at 2:30pm. I am still sniffling and aching but I want to try and do my work out.

I do not really know what is best in this situation, so I'll fall back to my youth. When I was on the swim team I do not remember missing work outs because of the sniffles. I do recall eating pepperoni pizza with Jalapeños and lots of the red dry pepper stuff on top. In my mind I was going to burn the cold out of my body. I'd eat the pizza, wait 15 minutes and head to the pool. I never got the famed "cramps" that movies use when people eat before going into the water. I'll find out if my young behavior was right. I'll skip the pizza, it just does not sound that appetizing, the peppers would make my yummy ache, even if I felt good. I'll let you know what happens when I get back.

Day 13 - Saturday Fun

Well, well, well, I have almost made it over the hump. It takes a month to make something a habit and I am now looking at 13 days under my belt, so to speak. I don't usually wear a belt though, they don't flex enough to accommodate my ever changing fat formations. You may not know what I mean unless you have been as fat as me. Turn too fast and you just keep going with or without desire. I've got a question for you! How do you know you are getting too fat? Answer: when turning sideways no longer helps.

Friday night I went to bed early, Saturday I woke up late. It felt like I just could not get going. I worked out anyway, it was a struggle. When I got home all I wanted to do was sleep. By Sunday morning, I was coming down with a cold. Sore throat, ache all over, and eyes that feel like a sandy walk way. I felt like sleeping most of the day, so that is what I did.

My concern is that Monday is here and I don't want to lose my focus by staying home sick. I'm going to try and keep my commitment anyway. I expected to have obstacles when I started this health program. So this will be a little speed bump on my way to the highway of health.

I have been thinking about self destructive behavior. I find it interesting that as a general rule people tend to celebrate by being self destructive. Some like to party with Alcohol or drugs, others celebrate with desserts, even others reward their great success by becoming couch potatoes. I wonder why we tend to celebrate by intentionally doing things that will damage our bodies. It's like saying, hey body, you really helped me through that tough time so I'll reward you with even harder things to deal with. I'll spend the week end blowing away brain cells and you can work double time trying to rid my digestive tract with sludge.

I really is strange. Knowing that New Year resolutions are usually wishes that later become guilt, I will make a resolution to set no goals because of the turn of the year. However, since I am nearing the 1/2 way point for setting a new habit I will start a new goal. I will reward my self with good things in the future. When I accomplish, strive, or succeed, I will amply reward my body for helping me through the tough times. Forget chocolate pies, milk shakes, and week-ends on the sofa. Instead I'll spend an extra 30 minutes working out or doing something good for my body. It's the only one I have so I might as well help it as it helps me. That is my new goal.

Note: I'm not ready to give up ice cream, it's just too nummy. However, I will NOT use it as a reward. Does that mean I should punish myself by eating it? Nope, that seems even worse. I'll just eat it every once in a while for no special reason. Truth is I'm not really craving it and other sweets as much as I used to. I have lost my immense cravings because of the nutrient capsules that Dad & Ginny had me start taking. I have also noticed a better attitude and over all feeling of well being. I don't know what they are, I just know that for the first time in years I feel like I can actually accomplish something.



PS: Dad just called me and suggested that I not go work out today. He said that I should not stress my immune system so soon. I will concede to his wisdom, he is my Daddy after all. I'll spend the day blowing my nose till it's sore, resting or sleeping, and I'll cross my fingers about tomorrow.

I actually feel like I'm going to miss something. Wow, that is interesting, I am actually going to miss my workout. Which is a wonderful change of emotion compared to how I felt before I started this program. I felt guilt, relief from fear, and all round self loathing. I no longer feel the fear as strongly when I go to the facility. I don't know about the guilt yet. Self loathing, well, I'll not comment on that today.

Day Twelve - A New Year of Living

On swim day eleven I noticed that my bouyancy in the water seemed to be different. It felt like my right side was floating and my left side was sinking. Made for a strange day in the water. Most people think that the more weight you have the faster you sink in the water. The reverse is what really happens. Skinny people tend to sink and fatties like me float. In fact, if you ever find yourself on the Titanic, jump overboard with a couple of fatties. You can use them for life saving flotation. Lash a few together and you could build a raft. It might giggle as you walked around bare footed, but it would be soft and buoyant.

The last few weeks have been a blur. The kids flew home to Arizona yesterday. I crawled home after dropping them off. For some reason the drive to the airport really takes my energy. My pain is so high that the last 45 minutes of the trip is like a torture chamber from my worst nightmare. When my pain gets that bad my only escape is sleep. I think my body helps out because when I hurt that bad I find myself waking up, I don't even remember falling asleep.

Just before I started this life saving program of consistent exercise I had visited the airport. I was dropping the kids off after their turkey day visit. I stepped up on one of the baggage scales and Bryce read my weight. He remembers it saying 363. I am not sure, I have a vague thought of it saying 359.5. The fun part is what happened when I dropped them off this time. Bryce asked me if I wanted to step on the scale again. We had to go to a different airline because Alaska Air's scales stop reading at 250lbs. Which is what most home scales top out at. We found a different airline with bigger scales. I stepped up, held my breath and crossed my fingers. He said "358 Dad." That means I lost 2-5 pounds. I'm excited that I didn't gain. If that process continues and I lose 2 pounds a month I will be 25 pounds lighter in a year. If I lose 5 pounds a month the numbers get even bigger.

Today, when I walked into the swimming area I noticed that Brooke was the lifeguard. She has been missing for a few weeks. I like to have her on duty because she has an infective smile. Now that I think about it, most of the staff at Island Athletic like to smile. They are helpful, kind, and amazingly considerate. I have been noticing their positive attitude more as my fear gets smaller. In the past I have been filled with so much self dislike that I thought everyone saw me the same way. I'm discovering that most people are worried about their own issues and don't really even notice my immensity walking to the dressing room.

I am looking forward to tomorrow, I get to spend another hour in my swim suit.