Day 30 - Glad I'm a Blond

I am Glad I'm a blond. I was in the locker room and I realized that when people have dark hair all their hair is dark. Their arms, legs, chest, and so forth. Some guys have tons of hair and look like gorillas. If my hair was darker in color I would probably not reach the gorilla stage, but it would surely be a difference for me. There are others that have gray heads and dark hair below the neck line. My head may never go silver colored. Being blond, I cannot even see the gray hairs that I probably already have.

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Yesterday, when my workout hour was almost up, staff members were quickly bringing in chairs, moving tarps, and setting up timers. They were getting ready for a swim meet. It reminded me of the swim meets I participated in 30 years ago. There was always someone as fast or faster than me. To win the heat I had to swim so hard that my chest was ready to burst. During my daily workouts I thought about the competition and pushed myself harder and harder. I wanted to get my body ready to move faster the next time. Eventually, it no longer mattered if I was going to win, it became a competition against my own limitations. I fought to beat myself, day after day.

Now, I am doing my best to hold back and not push so hard. Each time I get in the water, that internal desire to push harder jumps out. I do want to improve and get stronger, but I am battling the Pain Monster that is always lurking in the shadows. I seek a balance between improvement and going too far.

I do feel that I am getting past the Red Zone and that I will be able to continue working out 5 - 6 time each week. Which is a wonderful relief. But I know that failure is hidden behind pushing too hard or only a few missed days away.

As I look at others in the pool, doing their own workouts I see varied levels of determination. Many get in the water and attack with a vengeance. Others seem to be taking their time, enjoying the swim. Others start moving but quickly slowdown and go through the motions without exerting energy or raising their heart rate beyond the normal resting rate. As I move back and forth in my lane I realize that my workout is only as effective as the effort I expend. When I push my body beyond it's resting state, I force it to improve. The challenge is to push enough to cause the change but not so hard as to bring the Monster out of the shadows.