Day 28 - How Far is a Mile?

When I woke up this morning I thought, hmmm, not bad. I'm a little sore but not looking forward to the grave. Which is a different experience. For the last 20 years I have hurt so bad that death seemed like a welcomed event. Of course I cannot do anything to hurry the process, it violates my personal morals. I remember one of my Physicians, Dr. Harvey Rose, from Sacramento. He was working on a book called "Deathly Exits." Which was a dissertation illustrating the unbelievable number of people who commit suicide because they cannot handle living in pain. It also talked about spouses who helped their significant other end their life to escape misery. Dr. Rose felt that the medical profession had missed the mark in caring for people with chronic pain.


As I was saying, this morning I woke up and actually felt like I could handle living. Yes, I still hurt but it was not so pervasive as to envelop me in constant thoughts of wanting to escape my body. When I have moments like this I want to freeze time. Obviously that is impossible, but if I could I would. As the day progressed I had my ups and downs. Then it was time to go do the workout. I almost talked myself out of visiting the facility because I didn't want to ruin my vacation. I was still in pain but it was not screaming at the moment. Habit won the battle and I walked to the car in spite of my preference.

Wednesday is Adults Only at Island Athletic. When I approached the key exchange counter I was actually surprised to see so many smiling faces. It seemed like everyone was on happy pills or something. As I hobbled to the dressing room I wondered, is this how the staff always looks? I guess I had not really taken the time to look that closely, too far in my own world. It was also interesting to see the faces of the patrons. Some were focused on their activity, jaws set with determination. Others quietly enjoying their independent world of exertion. No one was actively staring at me, even though I am probably the fattest guy they have every seen. I almost ran into someone that was coming out of the locker room. We scuttled sideways trying to decide who would be last to proceed. I'm not sure if either of us actually won when we passed each other.

When I did my workout I added a little more exertion to each movement. Which didn't seem as hard as it had been in the past. It tried to figure in my head how many laps it takes to travel a mile. WHen I was younger that type of computation was simple. Today, my mind is mushy and lazy, too many computers around I guess. I had to wait until I got in front of a keyboard to figure out things. The pool is 75 feet long. Which is the standard 25 yard length (Olympic pools are 25 or 50 meters). A mile is 5,240 feet. Divide that by 75 and it takes just under 70 lengths to equal a mile, 35 laps! Today I traveled 29 laps, 58 lengths, which is 83% of a mile.

I remember when I was able to do a mile in about 30 minutes. Today I spend one hour and only make it 4/5th of the way. I'm amazed I can do even that much exercise. When I first started I had a hard time even moving my body for an hour, the thought of trying to cover one mile was beyond imagination. This new perspective has given me some hope. I feel like I have been gaining ground. I am actually getting somewhere. Who knows, I might even be able to keep doing this program for another day or two.

How did I feel after the workout? Tired, sore, ready to get back into the reclining chair. How was my pain? Elevated, yet manageable. Not as pleasant as the morning, but not as bad as last week. Oh, may I never have a week like that one, again. I did survive it, barely.