Day Twelve - A New Year of Living

On swim day eleven I noticed that my bouyancy in the water seemed to be different. It felt like my right side was floating and my left side was sinking. Made for a strange day in the water. Most people think that the more weight you have the faster you sink in the water. The reverse is what really happens. Skinny people tend to sink and fatties like me float. In fact, if you ever find yourself on the Titanic, jump overboard with a couple of fatties. You can use them for life saving flotation. Lash a few together and you could build a raft. It might giggle as you walked around bare footed, but it would be soft and buoyant.

The last few weeks have been a blur. The kids flew home to Arizona yesterday. I crawled home after dropping them off. For some reason the drive to the airport really takes my energy. My pain is so high that the last 45 minutes of the trip is like a torture chamber from my worst nightmare. When my pain gets that bad my only escape is sleep. I think my body helps out because when I hurt that bad I find myself waking up, I don't even remember falling asleep.

Just before I started this life saving program of consistent exercise I had visited the airport. I was dropping the kids off after their turkey day visit. I stepped up on one of the baggage scales and Bryce read my weight. He remembers it saying 363. I am not sure, I have a vague thought of it saying 359.5. The fun part is what happened when I dropped them off this time. Bryce asked me if I wanted to step on the scale again. We had to go to a different airline because Alaska Air's scales stop reading at 250lbs. Which is what most home scales top out at. We found a different airline with bigger scales. I stepped up, held my breath and crossed my fingers. He said "358 Dad." That means I lost 2-5 pounds. I'm excited that I didn't gain. If that process continues and I lose 2 pounds a month I will be 25 pounds lighter in a year. If I lose 5 pounds a month the numbers get even bigger.

Today, when I walked into the swimming area I noticed that Brooke was the lifeguard. She has been missing for a few weeks. I like to have her on duty because she has an infective smile. Now that I think about it, most of the staff at Island Athletic like to smile. They are helpful, kind, and amazingly considerate. I have been noticing their positive attitude more as my fear gets smaller. In the past I have been filled with so much self dislike that I thought everyone saw me the same way. I'm discovering that most people are worried about their own issues and don't really even notice my immensity walking to the dressing room.

I am looking forward to tomorrow, I get to spend another hour in my swim suit.